Steem4nigeria Accelerator Contest Week 80: ...When you're not loved in return

The term "love" is one of the strongest, most complicated feelings in the human condition. Love, in its simplest form, goes beyond the familial or romantic love it carries over into how we act towards others we come into contact with, be they coworkers, friends, or complete strangers. I think that love is not a feeling; love is an act, a choice, and an ongoing effort. Love is sacrificing, giving, understanding, and showing up for individuals even when they don't return the same. But the issue arises when the love is not returned.

Love is most often described as an emotional reaction,a bond which unites individuals in times of happiness, sadness, or activities. But I think love is more than an emotion,love is a choice to behave in a manner that demonstrates care, concern, and support for another individual, even when the individual does not always behave in a manner that is consistent with your expectations.

Love is making a person feel that they are important, in words and in actions. Love is being okay with allowing someone else's needs to become the centerpiece of your own when the time comes, and being open and vulnerable to give and receive.

To love is to accept people for what they are, flaws and all. It is not about whether someone is not perfect or if he or she has done something wrong; love is accepting those imperfections and deciding to offer them mercy, understanding, and support. True love is unconditional,it doesn't change simply because the other person doesn't meet your expectations.

Yes, I have been showing love. Love is something that I try to practice daily in all that I do. At work, I do my best to be a good colleague to my fellow workers, whether it's pitching in when they're busy, offering words of encouragement when they're feeling down, or being a sounding board when they just need someone to talk to.

I demonstrate love within my community by being thoughtful, providing a smile or good deed, and being present for others who might need help, such as grocery carrying or simply a phone call to see how they are doing. Even in relationships, I attempt to show love in big ways and small ways, such as recalling significant dates, being there when I am needed, or merely hanging out with the people I love.

And as far as expressing love goes, to me, it is the small things making others feel heard, seen, and loved. Love can be seen in little acts of kindness, a message of encouragement, or support when individuals need it. It is in helping others feel comfortable and secure enough to be themselves without judgment. I think that love is not always in the big things, but in the act of being present for people when it counts.

Initially, it's only natural to feel hurt or disappointed when your attempts at loving are not reciprocated with the same degree of energy or tenderness that you've invested. For example, at work, you usually give more than you get, particularly when you offer your time and energy to help a colleague or a team member. Yet, when the tables are turned and you are the one receiving, the same people do not bend over backwards for you.

This might be annoying since it might seem that all your efforts are going unrecognized or even unappreciated. However, over time, I've realized that other people's reactions—or lack of reaction are typically more a reflection of where they are emotionally or mentally, rather than a reflection of your worth. In those instances, I try to be understanding.

I say to myself that the inability to return the energy is not necessarily personal. Sometimes people are simply not in the space to return the same energy because they are preoccupied with fighting their own wars, challenges, or limitations.

When I am in circumstances where my love and care are not being returned, I try my best to react with kindness. I do not give in to the desire to withdraw completely or let resentment overcome me. Instead, I understand that it is okay not to receive the same energy in return. That does not diminish the love that I provide. It simply means I need to redirect my expectations and still show love without requiring conditions.

I've also realized that love is not always forthcoming from the individuals we want it to be from it's okay to seek love and support from other relationships, even if it doesn't come from those we want to return it.

In certain situations, when the absence of reciprocation is particularly hurtful or unjust, I've discovered that I need to establish boundaries. I've learned that love should not be at the expense of my own emotional health. Though I am willing to provide love and support, I need to safeguard myself against exploitation.

Sometimes, yes. It is difficult to keep giving love when you feel it's falling on deaf ears. There have been times when the absence of reciprocation has caused me to doubt, and I have wondered if I should withdraw and shield myself from being hurt. It is frustrating to give so much and get little or nothing in return, and it is natural to wonder if it is worth being loving and giving. Yet, along the way, I've discovered that others' behavior does not dictate my capacity to love.

My love is not for myself, for selfish wants or expectations, but to make the world a little bit kinder. I've come to understand that even when love is not returned, that does not make it not worth loving, because it reflects the individual that I am supposed to be. I love not because I expect it in return, but because that is who I am and what I believe I should be living for.

Rather than allowing the backlash to get me down, I've taken it as a chance to reconstruct my own way of loving. I've learned to love in a way that's healthy and sustainable for me. I don't have to do too much or compromise my own needs for individuals who aren't reciprocating. I've come to understand that love does not need to be all sacrifice all the time it can be about balance and when to hold back. In a nutshell, love is a process.

It is being there, giving, and caring even when it is not reciprocated. It can be frustrating when others do not match the energy, yet I have learned to manage by employing empathy, managing expectations, and still expressing love in a manner that aligns with my values. The absence of reciprocation does not demean the love I offer it only demonstrates that love is not an exchange, but an act of who I am as an individual.

All images are from @bossj23 photos. He captured all these pictures with his phone.