^{***Good afternoon or whatever the fuck time it is where you are.***} **My name is Mr. Himself.** ^{***I'm your substitute teacher today because everyone quit their fucking jobs.***} ![NoNamesLeftToUse - Class.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmSc7S1u8EGQoJnN5B5nCWSvvXw2h2Yb5XMkwoK8n3xYTc/NoNamesLeftToUse%20-%20Class.jpeg) ## Welcome. ^{***We shall begin.***} *Soon.* ... I seem to have misplaced my notes. I swear I tucked them under my balls before I left the house today. ... ... ... I know they're around here some place just, *bear with me here.* ... ... ### *Goddammit.* **Jesus fuck I think they went right up my ass again.** I was *bouncing* all the way here trying to dodge all those potholes on your streets. I could feel something *slithering* on up there. Thought it was my lighter. *It sure felt like a lighter.* **You.** What's your name? > Ned. *Ned?* What the fuck kind of name is, *Ned?* > It means: ![Screenshot (700).png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPdcXWit1gWWZbU6BovubtxbKh7fUV41Y83XEAdy9oeyV/Screenshot%20(700).png) ### That's interesting. Could you come up to the front of the class please. ***Well come on now. Quit dilly-dallying. We don't have all day!*** Closer. *Closer.* **Stop!** So, Ned. *Do you have a girlfriend?* > Yeah, kinda. **Good.** I can trust you then. I'm going to spread my ass cheeks, and I need you to look inside. > Yes Sir! **Do you see anything?** > *I think I can see my future.* > ***Everyone: Ha ha ha ha ha ha chuckle chuckle chuckle laughter!*** ![Applause.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmf2doNkhuZPorTcJtWJyPrtrmosFPqbRH4fcHveRuKMoq/Applause.jpeg) # *Silence in my classroom!* **Ned!** This is no time for jokes. Now, did you come here to learn **or am I just wasting my life!** > I came to learn, Sir. *That's what I like to hear.* Okay. **Let's try this again.** **Do you see anything?** > Open wider, Sir. Like that? > A little bit more, please. I can't! That's as far as I can go. **Dammit!** Just reach inside and start feeling around. > Okay! ***Do you feel anything, Ned. Anything at all?*** > Yes! *Well. What are you waiting for? Pull it out!* > It's stuck. I can't. Pull, Ned! Pull! > I'm trying! ## Harder, Ned! **Pull!** > *arrrrgh!* # Harder! > *ahhhh! arrgh!* ### Come on Ned! You can do it! **Just a little bit more!** > Arrgh! Coming! # *What?!?!?!?!* > *I said it's coming!* > # I got it! > It's a lighter! ### A lighter? > Yes! A **big black Bic** lighter. See! ***Huh.*** A black one? That's interesting. I tore my house apart looking for that, *last week.* *Click click.* ***Holy shit it still works!*** My notes though. **Where, _in the actual fuck,_ did my notes go!** Is there anything else up there, Ned? Anything at all? > *It's as clean as a whistle, Sir!* Thanks for the help. Please take your seat. Ladies and gentleman, I apologize. I realize you've paid top dollar for this seminar but without those notes, *I don't even know why I'm here.* *Wait a minute...* ### *Oh my god they were right here on the desk the whole time!* ![NoNamesLeftToUse - fin.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcfJfhUmLGutyEAWGhngEgr2sQeV2mHg69iCjC7aY3XT5/NoNamesLeftToUse%20-%20fin.png) ![](http://i.imgur.com/RhgHUmy.jpg)**Credits:****All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.** ![NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRVnycGuKWTrnHcWomQddWka2MR2Z6AXP4GYry1tG3X4E/NoNamesLeftToUse%20Outro.png)^{^{**All content within this blog is 100% organic *ACTUAL CONTENT* and contains no paid vote additives!**}} _{***"What? Why are you looking at me like that? It was a comedy skit."***} ^{**© 2020 @NoNamesLeftToUse. All rights reserved.**}