____ ![20220701_083837_0000.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTuHkqPc3ixQZAQxvpKg1URKmNs1ZL1HxHpe1CTaafwmz/20220701_083837_0000.png) [Image made using canva](https://www.canva.com/q/pro/?utm_source=google_sem&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=ng_en_all_pro_rev_conversion_branded-tier1_core_em&utm_term=ng_en_all_pro_rev_conversion_branded-tier1_canva_em&utm_content=2160_control&gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5JSLBhCxARIsAHgO2SfC7hf3KsnZgKUIW2VjL5ZucQtOtWNYijf45Jp9Sb1O_HclNArRmT0aAuMiEALw_wcB) ___ #### _Introduction_ Hello friends I must say it’s been an enthralling couple of weeks with the crypto market just hanging by a thread as a result we have seen so many individuals reduce thier activiness on steemit, many other individuals have gone into depression. Looking at the sorry state of the crypto market it’s easy to fall into depression at the sorry state of our crypto assets but before you do so I will give you something more painful to shed your tears on. ![steemline.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTPftiBBdZ9RfhSS5He33f1JnRkGxdcf2msyTwwrCzgxQ/steemline.png) #### _My saddest memory as a child._ ___ ![woman-1867127_1280.webp](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmX8Gn7MEBM4mLsFdnBxm1A3EG76UXi8szfRYvFAtkmtFY/woman-1867127_1280.webp) [Source](https://pixabay.com/photos/woman-crying-tears-sad-sadness-1867127/) What we become later in life is cumulation of pass experience which at the time might have been so small or so mighty that it shook the framework our of reality, as might and small as this events maybe over time the sands of time overshadows this events to such an extent that what remains is only but a glimpse to what was. This glimpses are filled with our memories and feelings and often have a huge role to play as to what weBl become later in life, the brain never forgets the pain it only gives the illusion of doing so, this is to enable us move forward in life. The man I am today, broken and fragile, strong and courageous, vengeful and prideful are all the cumulation of what I have experience over the course of my life, in this cold world where hearts get frozen and blood means little, we are always scarred by the memories of our past in such a way that every individual Would have a story to tell, some more heart recking than others. I am no exception in this sad reality and to tell my story would mean I bare my soul to all you who read this today, I pray you find solace in my words and know that you are not alone in this cold world. ![steemline.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTPftiBBdZ9RfhSS5He33f1JnRkGxdcf2msyTwwrCzgxQ/steemline.png) #### _My story._ ___ ![chalkboard-620316_1280.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPrTb7cEQrrkgcoyqea8ndpn4n6Ymhfz5vNZxiL5fFrjr/chalkboard-620316_1280.jpg) [Source](https://pixabay.com/photos/chalkboard-story-blogging-believe-620316/) Thinking back I had it easy, life was good when we were younger no one would have imagined that someday things would be so fractured that we wouldnt be able to pick up the pieces and we will be Soo damaged by certain decision we made. As far as I can remember it was just the three of us papa, David and I. David was my elder brother who was older than me with just 2 years but the reality of things was he more like my second dad, at age 4 and 6 mama passed due to arthritis and he was never the same, I can only imagine how much it damaged David to have held mama cold lifeless body as she existed this cold world, I keep wondering what would have happened if we were rich, would death still have laid it’s claim on mama? As sad at this event might have been it doesn’t come close to the emotional rollercoaster my life has been since then, it’s almost like I wasn’t meant for this world and at times I often lay at night thinking about all the horrible things that have happen in just the span of 25 years, in my short life I have seen death, poverty and Miserere close up to the point I thought I was immune pain. Between the ages of 4 to 18 life throw numerous obstacles along the way more than I couldn't bare to count , there was the time papa was robbed at gun point in front of the house, another time David was involved in an accident while coming back from school or even when I misplaced papas ATM card and it eventually entered the wrong hands, people who would size this opportunity to empty papa life savings, around this was when our misfortune began to get unbearable. With no money left and things looking very grim for us. ![steemline.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTPftiBBdZ9RfhSS5He33f1JnRkGxdcf2msyTwwrCzgxQ/steemline.png) #### _How it all began_ ___ ![sunset-3815867_1280.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmdM7836EpW5mYyxqyywWj2KyitqQjppbygoMcu2Fz2a1o/sunset-3815867_1280.jpg) [Source](https://pixabay.com/photos/sunset-target-began-lake-3815867/) I still remember the day like it was yesterday the weather seemed very eractic on that particular Thursday of june 2019, a very heavy rain fell admist the scorching hot sun and I remember asking my self if perhaps the weather was broken. When I got home I saw papa and David sitted outside they seemed to be in a heated conversation about something, thsoe days they were always discussing something so it wasnt strange to me, but what was when papa invited me to join the discussion, it was something that was unheard of as papa would always prefer I stay happy and not involve me in difficult conversation such as this. As I took my sit I saw the tears on papa's eyes and in that moment I knew that things had taken another step in the wrong direction, thinking back that was the first time papa ever cried infront of us he was always a solid man often time I wondered if he was human but on this days tears flowed freely from his face and soaked his garment, David tried shielding his face from me so as I do not see the signs that he also had been crying, I tried Consoling both but I seemed to only make things worse. There I was in the midst of two of the people I hold to the highest esteem who despite the various challenges life had thrown at us have been able to conquer. We stood motionless for what most have been ages before papa broke the silence, with blood shot eyes and mucus covered lips he broke the news To me, **He had been fired from his job two weeks ago** and he had no means of supporting my higher education, I remember asking my self that surely this doesn’t warrant the oculus atmosphere which I found my self, that was when David hit me with the second wave. In a bid to confront Papa’s employers as why they would lay him of his job without any prior warning he got physical with Papa’s employers and was arrested this very act violated his scholarship and he has since been removed from the programme, it wasn’t fair really as David was one of the brightest student in his class, he was on his way to becoming one of the best doctors in the country but without a scholarship and no job he had no means of furthering his education. ![steemline.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTPftiBBdZ9RfhSS5He33f1JnRkGxdcf2msyTwwrCzgxQ/steemline.png) #### _The delima_ ___ ![man-2933984_1280.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbMGWNyRfwcjpLeo5r5TXddtb14tftrUCwMeMCsh9rCM6/man-2933984_1280.jpg) [Source](https://pixabay.com/photos/man-woman-composing-dispute-2933984/) I remember days of absolute miserly when we all cracked our brains on how we could solve this problem, the solution came in the most unlikely way my dad had an aunt in the United states who offered to house David on the condition that David would perform little house chores for her. This was a huge deal breaker for dad as he had sworn to never give his children out for house boy work but given the fact that he was jobless and David had lost his scholarship we were pushed against the wall. I myself during this period of time had given up on going to school I must say what still haunts me today was that I personally insisted and pressured my father to accept this deal as it offered me the opportunity to further my education on the back of my brother and to the detriment of my father principles within a few weeks my father caved in to the idea of sending his first andmost cherished son to the united states as an errand boy. In hindsight we never really thought about what this entailed sending someone to the state, the cost alone was astronomical and it further put more pressure on Papa I remember going days without eating in order for us to save David’s flight money, we’re told that this was for a better good as aunty promised us that when David gets there he will be making more than we could ever imagine Papa sold most of his properties to ensure this was possible at some point I took up odd jobs so as David. By late October 2019 after back breaking and jobs we finally got the money for Davids tickets, everything was set at Auntie promised us. It was almost comical because she seemed more excited of David coming than we here in Nigeria. David promised to always text us and to make papa proud if only we could have seen how things would change ,would Papa have allowed this journey? I guess that’s the thing about life you can never to dictate how each phase of life is going to play out, at that point this was the best alternative a way to take us out of our misery and we took it ![steemline.png](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmTPftiBBdZ9RfhSS5He33f1JnRkGxdcf2msyTwwrCzgxQ/steemline.png) #### _Blood isn't ticker than water_ ___ ![blood-1715010_1280.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPvDKyz1FFCAQvLurTqCR6FZiKv8kT67qNj1ocfNPjYbK/blood-1715010_1280.jpg) [Source](https://pixabay.com/photos/blood-spatter-stain-red-hand-basin-1715010/) The day that David left it felt like the end of an era and the starting of something new I remember holding my brother and for the first time in a very long time I truly felt alone, through all the sufferings he and Papa have gone through David has been a rock for us he helped Papa in ways I can’t even imagine or even capable of doing so myself, with some more tears in my eyes I watched as David took his steps towards the terminal leaving us forever' but only then we didn’t know it was forever. Weeks after David got to the United states but we are yet to hear from him at this point all calls to auntu proved fultile she wasn’t picking or respond to our messages Papa was worried, what has happened to his son utilising all information and resources available to us to get in touch with David all proved futtle to think our aunty had a hand in the disappearance of his son to think she took advantage of our sad situation and sold david into slavery is something I have never been able to shake off it’s been four years this October and we haven’t heard from David. papa’s health have deteriorated severely and I no longer see the need to be happy, life has lost all colors to me as I only see the world for what it is a cold and wicked place I yearn for the day where I would hear David voice again but deep down I know that these days will never come. Till today I feel the death or the disappearance of my brother has been my fault because if I hadn’t pushed Papa to accept the deal offered by aunt perhaps we would have found the different way, but I was so stuck on my selfish desires that I decided to sell my own brother into slavery though I’ve been told several by papa it was not my fault but I cannot not feel guilty for what happened I only hope now one day I will be joined together with my brother and we can smile one last time **I miss you brother.** ___ ___ ### _Conclusion_ ___ ___ ![woven-1803874_1280.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmeLYBoZLhHwSQu8Xfypbtx45wbyhedKnkW1ReVKMggyAy/woven-1803874_1280.jpg) [Source](https://pixabay.com/photos/weaving-grey-sweater-1803874/) Lite would always find ways to test your resolve as to to our intentions but in as much as life is cruel we must find ways to make our self happy as we are the makers of our own fate. I have since come to acknowledge the fact that we can't change the fact nor impact how things would turn our in the future but we can always be careful and not left our selfish desires affect our loved onces. ___ ###### _{This is a fictitious work written by me, I really hope you enjoyed reading this.} ___