# Part One- Ima's Awakening. For the longest time, I've been imprisoned and held bound by the claws of procrastination. This chronic habit had it's long term consequences on my personal and professional development for a long time now. I've had friends say Ima you're just too lazy,closer friends who had the privilege of hearing the multiple ideas I had In my head couldn't understand how such great ideas were left unattended to. I carried within me a wealth of creative concept and Innovative ideas but they never left the realm of my thoughts , I was termed a "dreamer ", some called me an "ideator". It got really bad , no one wanted to hear ideas anymore,they wanted to see actual results . One would think it was a problem of lack of motivation, resources or right timing to birth these ideas but this wasn't the case for me . I missed out on a lot of great opportunities. Did it hurt? Yes! The ache of unfulfilled potential left me feeling like a disappointment, the silent question of ***"what if"*** taunting me with untold possibilities. Deep down I wanted to seize the next future opportunity but I couldn't explain what was restricting me. ![pexels-media-3808801.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQma993C6TMyP9MLN3s1whhvf9WbAD8aKzSRTWV1Wa4DR8C/pexels-media-3808801.jpeg) [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/curious-isolated-young-woman-looking-away-through-metal-bars-of-fence-with-hope-at-entrance-of-modern-building-3808801/)

I started to ask people what their thoughts were about procrastination. > In summary, they said procrastinators were extremely lazy and indecisive people, who lacked the discipline, the will power and time management skills to be productive. Now judging from what I got I wasn't satisfied, I became curious, i knew it wasn't a problem of laziness for me. I had to explore deeper on the underlying causes of procrastination.

It was during my research I realized that procrastination wasn't entirely laziness. For the longest time I labeled myself as lazy, unaware of the underlying causes associated with it. I became very uneasy so I delved into books, articles, and psychological studies and I was in shock at my discovery. ![pexels-media-5852312.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRAsDQ86d5e4inHxvwEULF1wRCaa11CoqcBa6WkhsPoND/pexels-media-5852312.jpeg) [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/girl-reading-a-book-5852312/) I discovered procrastination was more complex and had various other factors that resonated deeply with my own experiences.

LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE

| -| I've always known I wasn't exactly a confident person, what I didn't know was that it had something to do with my struggles at the time. Here are a few factors associated with lack of confidence and how it trapped me in the web of procrastination. * Dependency on external validation: For every idea that I got back then ,i would subconsciously sort one or two person's opinion before establishing it or thrashing it . I realized the more I kept seeking external approval, the less confidence I had In my own abilities . Seeking validation from others became a support for my self worth. ![pexels-media-3201718.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmeWDfxdM8Rmdk9tX15k47CNXu1j1Qg5rrs3mn85RDzF9d/pexels-media-3201718.jpeg) [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/two-women-and-man-talking-3201718/)

* Self Doubt It became really hard to trust my instincts,I found myself questioning every choice I made and every decision I had to take for fear of making the wrong decision. I'd sought excessive reassurance, avoid new opportunities and I'd normally downplay my skills and achievements and praise others all because of my uncertainties in my abilities. ![pexels-media-6382483.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmSEAhrX4QUTZfViL7K4PuFNKBoYiRHVfjBwF9UbMiVdsR/pexels-media-6382483.jpeg) [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/sad-woman-in-casual-wear-sitting-near-window-6382483/)

* Unrealistic Standards I Set For Myself: I'd subconsciously burden myself with high expectations I felt I should meet in order to qualify so for every time I didn't meet these set standards there was this perpetual feeling of falling short. ![pexels-media-8297132.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbRntez6JP684ZVqL5e7dKEGEziYw27qAaoQG9oD9QmZZ/pexels-media-8297132.jpeg) [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-looking-despair-8297132/)

* Fear Of Judgement: The fear of being judged or misunderstood always made me rethink my actions . I often find it really hard to authentically express my thoughts and ideas . For every product I'd design and want to introduce to the market . Questions like ***What if they don't like it? ,What if I can't deliver ?, What if I'm attacked in the comment section?*** would creep In and shut me up from birthing these ideas. ![pexels-media-8458991.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmVtdQ9GpGA4fjx4tfRPxgfBFBMQGFQqZp9RiQTyfUaqSw/pexels-media-8458991.jpeg) [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-fearful-woman-having-claustrophobia-in-a-cardboard-box-8458991/)

As I continued my research, I identified another familiar foe: ***my fear of failure.*** As much as I lacked self confidence,I realized one of the reasons I kept procrastinating was because I worried so much about not succeeding in a task that it stopped me from taking risks and trying out new things. As I progressed in my research, my pursuit for perfection emerged as another culprit. At this point I was weak ,I never imagined that my never ending cycle of refining and revising made it difficult for me to complete tasks . I aimed for so much that it instilled fear of mistakes. ![pexels-media-3755755.jpeg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRuBqF93pb7Je9r2AwU23kV8EaVRrv7uoMZYEfnXdZGiJ/pexels-media-3755755.jpeg) [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/young-troubled-woman-using-laptop-at-home-3755755/) Procrastination became a coping mechanism to ease myself off the pressure mounting on me from the overwhelming standards I set for myself. I had no idea my pursuit for perfection was hindering my progress . As I progressed ,I confronted a lack of clear goals . My dreams lacked a roadmap, there wasn't a clear direction, it was rather a big puzzle with no clear picture probably why each step felt unsure and I was unable to put things together . https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmcQD2i6YZu1pvoiMAy1ZzyXpfXWAGKwMthhznFi4t49fR/pexels-media-3727468.jpeg [source](https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-blue-blazer-holding-white-paper-3727468/)

I discovered I had a lot of internal issues to address, I wondered how miserable the rest of my life would be If at 22yrs my life was such a mess, I knew I had a lot of work to do on myself internally. I knew at this point self -improvement was crucial. Thankfully my research helped a great deal in helping realize what I was doing wrong and pointed out practical steps that I needed to take to defeat this time thief.

***Stay tuned for Part 2 , you'll get to discover what step by step principles I implemented to take back my promising young self from the tangled web of procrastination. It's a journey worth following, don't miss out*** 😜