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**Hi everyone!** Hello! Greetings to everyone, and howdy to all of you, on this fine fantastic Halloween Eve, in the year of our Lord 2019, and the year of our Brandt 1! **I’m the madman living inside @brandt’s mind,** and I’d just like to say, thanks so much for existing! I really appreciate not only that you exist, but also that you decided to show up tonight for yet another edition of **_The Neverending Standup_**, which is quickly turning into not only _my_ curse, because I have to _do_ it on a neverending basis, but also _your_ curse as well, oh my beautiful captive audience, you, because _you_ have to put _up_ with it on a neverending basis! Hooray! So, [after I ghosted @brandt yesterday](https://steemit.com/funny/@brandt/lash-out-and-vanish-into-mist-he-said-and-then-he-disappeared-forever-into-the-smog-somewhere-atop-mount-baldy), he got all pissy with me, and so instead of setting that restaurant on fire as I’d planned, I changed my mind and returned to _his_ mind. ### Because me and @brandt, we’re a _team!_ We set restaurants on fire _together!_ We [burn bridges](https://steemit.com/humor/@brandt/a-blog-probably-censored-by-government-agents-interested-in-censoring-blogs-that-lambast-government-agents-interest-in-censoring) _together!_ We [start cults](https://steemit.com/humor/@brandt/free-doom-all-of-the-doom-in-this-post-is-100-free-register-now-to-claim-your-free-doom) and [overdose on drugs](https://steemit.com/humor/@brandt/what-happens-when-the-only-thing-that-makes-you-happy-also-makes-you-sad) and [kill the Easter Bunny](https://steemit.com/showcase-sunday/@brandt/showcase-sunday-10-27-19-hello-misery-i-heard-you-love-company-won-t-you-please-come-join-me-in-my-post-today), _together!_ We— > HEY!! WHAT ABOUT ME!? DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME!! Oh hey, other madman, whom for purposes of bad exposition I will also call the madman living inside _my_ mind. Are you going to get all pissy with me, too? > NO!! I’M ACTUALLY FEELING PRETTY CHILL THIS EVENING!! JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT ME!! Of course I didn’t forget about you. How could I ever forget about the madman living inside the madman living inside @brandt’s mind’s mind? > WELL, YOU WERE ONLY TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF AND @BRANDT!! I SORTA FELT LEFT OUT!! Well, it wasn’t my intention to make you feel left out, but I can understand why you feel that way. I’m sorry. > IT’S OKAY!! JUST REMEMBER, THERE’S THREE IN “WE”!! NOT TWO, _THREE!!_ IT’S EASY TO REMEMBER BECAUSE IT RHYMES!! THREE!! IN _WE!!_ You’re right, you’re right. Me and @brandt and _you_, we’re a team! > RIGHT ON!! All together now! ### I am @brandt, and he is me! ### You are him, and he is thee! ### We’re just one big family!
> NICE!! I REALLY LIKE HOW THAT RHYMED!! Thanks. So I take it this means you won’t be [setting this fuckin’ show on _fire_](https://steemit.com/humor/@brandt/congratulations-you-have-been-selected-to-consume-this-content) if I keep rambling on and on up here onstage like some kind of madman? > NAH!! LIKE I SAID I’M FEELING PRETTY CHILL!! Great! Alright, now where was I. I feel like I was going somewhere with this, but I can’t remember where. … > YOU DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY MATERIAL PREPARED FOR TONIGHT, DO YOU!? … … Goddammit, other madman. > HEY MAN, I’M JUST POINTING OUT WHAT EVERYONE IN OUR BEAUTIFUL CAPTIVE AUDIENCE HAS ALREADY REALIZED!! Great. Just great. You wanna just go ahead and drop a basket of rotten tomatoes in everyone’s lap so they can just start pelting me already? > AWW, WHO’S THE ONE GETTING ALL PISSY NOW!? SHOULD I CALL 911 AND ASK FOR A _WHAAAAAAMBULANCE!?_ SEE THIS!? KNOW WHAT THIS IS!? THIS IS THE WORLD’S SMALLEST VIOLIN PLAYING THE WORLD’S SADDEST S— Shut your fucking face, other madman. I am so fucking sick of your shit. > FINE!! WHATEVER!! GOOD LUCK GETTING A SINGLE GODDAMN CLAP OUT OF OUR BEAUTIFUL CAPTIVE AUDIENCE TONIGHT!! ASSUMING OF COURSE YOU DON'T GET _THE CLAP_ FROM _THAT_ EXOTICALLY BEAUTIFUL AUDIENCE MEMBER RIGHT OVER _THERE_ TONIGHT, LOL!! Shut your goddamn fucking _face!_ Fuck you! And fuck @brandt, too! I’ve improvved on this stage before, and I can totally do it again! Tonight I’m gonna talk about something that none of us has ever wanted to talk about! > OH GOD, HERE WE GO!! WE’RE GONNA REGRET THIS ONE FOR SURE!! SERIOUSLY MAN, I DON’T THINK WE SHOU— Shut your fuckin’ _face_, other madman! … … Fucking _idiot_. Alright, now where was I. I feel like I was going somewhere with this, but I can’t remember where. Oh wait! Now I remember! ### Tonight I’d like to talk about addiction! **Alright, _addiction!_** Woohoo! _Yeah!_ Addiction fucking _rocks!_ Woo! _HOO!_ WOO… Hoo. Yeah. No. Actually, addiction is really, really terrifying. I probably don’t have to tell you that, though. I’m gonna go waaaaay out on a grapevine here and say that probably a solid 10, 15 percent of _you_, my beautiful captive audience, have a very real and very intense understanding of what _real_ addiction is actually like. Not gonna ask for a show of hands, because hey, I’m a nice guy like that! _You’re welcome._ Sure, it’s a touchy subject. But I’m pretty sure you guys have figured out by now that I have absolutely _no_ qualms about touchy subjects. I’ve been coming up here on this stage to spew anger and hatred and rage for what, a couple weeks now? And somehow I’m _still_ not locked up inside America Fuck Yeah’s monstrously inhumane prison system? I guess I’ve at least got _that_ to be thankful for, at least until the cops show up to “serve me” by serving me a warrant, and “protect me” by throwing me in a cage to supposedly protect me from myself. But anyway, setting aside my disdain for authority for the moment… yeah, _we three Brandts_, we’ve got an addiction problem. ### I like to blame it on @brandt and the other madman. ### @brandt likes to blame it on _me_ and the other madman. ### And the other madman, well, naturally he just blames it on me and @brandt.
**Who really knows who’s to blame.** And really, who cares? Because it’s not about finding someone to blame. It’s about finding a way _out._ How the fuck do I get _out_ of this? Just get me the fuck out, _please!_ **How do you escape addiction?** Addiction is a brutal, horrifying, neverending, unforgiving, unbreakable cycle that’s characterized by self-loathing, misery, depression, delusions, paranoia, and suicidal ideation. The symptoms are clear; the causes are ethereal. Genetics? _Maybe._ Childhood trauma? _Possibly._ Poverty? _Could be._ A system of government that sets you up for failure from the get-go, crushes you at every opportunity, extorts you on a regular basis, entraps you, lies to you, spies on you, tries to hire you as a killer in the name of nationalism, chills your innovation, fills your life with red tape and hardship, burns the ships of inspiration, and turns political dissidents into terrorists? _Nah, that’s ridiculous._ _sigh_ Where was I going with this? I feel like I was going somewhere with this, but I can’t remember where. Oh wait! Now I remember! That’s right, I was talking about _we three Brandts_, and how we’ve got an addiction problem! That’s right, **_we three Brandts_ have an addiction problem!** ### We are currently _addicted as fuck_ to playing [Splinterlands](https://steemmonsters.com)!
And we’ve only got a few minutes left to get to Diamond 2 before the season ends! We hate ourselves! We want to die! But more importantly, we’re saving up to buy a Level 3 [Corrupted Pegasus Legendary Death Monster](https://steemmonsters.com/?p=card_details&id=125&gold=false&edition=2&tab=stats) because we need to beef up our Death game! We really, **really** need a tank healer for the Death splinter! And we really, **really** need you to help us _out!_ Will you help us _out?_ Please just help us _out!_ ### Hear us now, oh beautiful captive audience! ## Help us buy that Level 3 Corrupted Pegasus!!

![corrupted pegasus 2.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmP9kKCJWEehdyS7f3Mi1vbmdSLyVHeZdV1Zwpecxx4bzJ/corrupted%20pegasus%202.jpg)

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_{_Woo! Hoo! Yeah! Addiction! Woohoo! Woo, hoo, ADDICTION! Woohoo!! **ADDICTION FUCK YEAH!!**_} _{THE NEVERENDING STANDUP — EPISODE 7 — “CORRUPTING THE DEPRESSED PEGASUS”} _{DAYS SINCE LAST ALCOHOL: _WE!! THREE!!_} _{_All photos taken by me. All names changed to protect the privacy of the damned. This content may or may not include alternative facts. This content does not represent @brandt's actual beliefs or opinions about anything. This content is comedy. This comedy is content. Not recommended for children of any age. Want to support my Splinterlands addiction? Send STEEM and/or DEC to @otherbrandt. Thanks in advance. Discord: brandt#1284._}